Thoughts about LA

So,

today I experienced my first earthquake ever, and what a special goodbye for LA to give it to me 4 days before I leave!!

It was a terrifying experience as I was in a high rise building downtown next to a construction site, but I'm ok.

In other news, this week has been relatively calm. I've just been focused on packing and getting ready to move back to Chicago. I still feel at peace with my decision, and at a time when my hormones make me get a little crazy, that is important to note.

My voice is continuing to drop, which is awesome. I'm seeing my body kind of pick up momentum and change more rapidly which is great. I felt myself growing impatient and wanting more change in less time, and now it is happening.

I've come out to a few more people in my life, mostly past friends from highschool who are still in the Chicago area. I wanted to let them know what my deal was before we got together again so they wouldn't be shocked. They have all been very supportive and knew it was coming.

I haven't however, come out to my father yet and I'm not sure how I'm going to do that, but I feel like it needs to be soon. For those of you who don't know me, I have a very strained and awkward relationship with my father. We've never been very close but we do try to talk once in a while. My transition is something I want him to be informed of, I'm just not sure how to do it. He never really knew me or had a sense of who I was as his daughter, so I'm not sure how he's going to have a sense of anything with me as his son. When I told him I was gay in highschool though, he was pretty accepting.

He will be in Chicago at the end of August and I plan on at least seeing him once then. But I think I'm going to change so much by then that I'm thinking of writing him an email to come out to him before that. Perhaps I will send him a copy of my first article to tell him, like I did at work. I need to get this taken care of though because it is on my mind and bothering me. I'm not ashamed to tell him in the least, but I feel like there is so much to tell him, to educate him on, about ME and MY gender. So I guess I feel like there's never really ample time, but I guess I just have to make some.

I'm also kind of worried about my mother's reaction when she sees me. I know how different I look since the last time she has seen me and I hope she doesn't flip out. When I moved to Los Angeles a year ago, I was sure I'd complete my transition and then return home. But part of me is glad I'm returning before then because I think it is important for my mom to see the work in progress. I think it's a journey for everyone in my life so the more people that get to witness the changes first hand, or at least seeing me on a semi regular basis, perhaps the easier it will be to accept.

I've been doing a lot of reflecting about myself and where I was a year ago and where I am now. I'm really proud of the progress I've made. I was an entirely different person a year ago, a person I was proud of, but now I'm even more proud. I really had to take care of myself this year and finally step up and do what was necessary to make me happy and it feels good knowing I took the right steps and did the right thing. I'm surprised to say that I don't have any regrets about LA. I thought I'd regret not going after comedy more, or an agent, but I don't. I know that if I'm going to pursue comedy in the future, it's not going to be in LA, and nor does it have to be. I also know that the real reason I came here was to give myself the space and time I needed to transition, and to grow into who I wanted to be.

So, I'm very emotional, but all in good ways about departing LA. There a few fabulous people I am going to miss, but they are the kind of people I know I will never lose touch with, and that is comforting.

My last update, is that I'm currently writing my second piece for IN LA Magazine. I sent it to my editor and just got it back to touch it up again! I'm so excited that they want another article from me. It really feels awesome to just be appreciated for who I am and to get to share my story.

Ok, now off to pack some more!