A day that I thought would never happen. But now I find myself becoming more attracted to men. I knew it was a possibility, but I didn't think it would happen to me, nor did anyone else in my life who knew just how girl crazy I was.
I am noticing men more often in every day life. I am actually checking them out sometimes, and finding myself attracted. I just need to sort out in which way I'm attracted. I get confused easily because sometimes I feel an attraction to a man I want to look like, and then sometimes I feel attracted to a man who I just happen to think is attractive.
I'm not sure that these attractions I'm feeling are anything that I would act upon, but I guess it's a possibility.
I've been really struggling with this though. It is scary and new. I talked with a few friends of mine about it and they were in shock. I almost didn't want to put it in my blog because it's such a sensitive topic, but I'm all about being open and honest.
I'll be sure to update everyone as I figure it out. But I have a feeling it's going to be a slow process. We'll see what happens.
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7 comments:
Hi Jamie,
I was on some testosterone for awhile. Part of an experimental treatment for the effects of Menopause. I found myself picturing everyone I saw, Naked. Men and women alike. Didn't matter. Maybe increased testosterone just increases your sex drive, so anyone cute is a candidate. Hm... interesting...
Love,
Karla.
PS - HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!
Jamie: Karla has something there. There's also another theory that people are programmed for "same" or "different," and that while hormone shifts can affect the object of lust, they don't affect whether you are homoerotically driven or not. But I don't know -- maybe your lust is being set free now that you are becoming more generally free. That's kind of a nice thought really.
TR
Hi Jamie, another tibit FYI - My brother-in-law confided that he cut back on the testosterone when he was turned on by the sight of a pair of slippers..."just because they were furry.." Why he would tell me that is another question entirely. Anyway, I also agree with Tenured Radical's idea that we might be programmed for same or different. Thank you Jamie for being out there, come up and see us sometime. I thought it was 34 below zero on Friday, turns out that it was colder. The thermometer just doesn't go past minus 34... Love, Karla.
OH.MY.GOSH. Sooo glad I'm not alone in this. The whole paragraph about being attracted to men because you want to look like them vs. being attracted to a man because they're just attractive...I can totally relate. I've struggled a LOT with that and I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one. Thanks for posting! Hope you figure it out! :)
-B
Yeah, add my (belated) voice to the increased-T crowd. I've heard lots of people say "T makes you gay" but I think really it's just that T makes what you already are (as far as sexual orientation) way more intense.
I've been on T for just over three months, and my sex drive is rediculous sometimes. I've always been attracted to men in the sense that they possessed what I desired (facial hair, body type). But sometimes I am aroused by the sight of them. When I was dating men it felt wrong because I was a girl/woman, and I felt uncomfortable and kind of violated and dominated. Now that I am coming to terms with my male identity, I find myself a little more comfortable about the idea of being with a man...but usually only when I am really horny! How silly is that! I think testosterone just makes you so horny that you find a lot more people attractive than you would otherwise. I know that I feel more comfortable with women, and that I don't enjoy sex with men, but I still flirt with men. It's a way to get the feelings out without traumatizing myself. I'm Jewish too, but I don't have a lot of hair. I hope I will in the future...
Hi Jamie,
I'm currently going through this stage of FTM transition as well... (noticing an attraction to men, I mean). The explanation that I've heard most often, and that makes the most sense to me, is that I was attracted to men before transition, but didn't feel comfortable enough in my body/identity to pursue them. This is certainly a confusing time, but it can be exciting as well... good luck with everything!
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