Emotionally all over the place

So,

I have increased my dose of t to once a week instead of once every two weeks. I was super excited to speed things up now that I am out at work and most of my life knows. However, I am really feeling some major effects this week, and I'm not sure what is going on.

For one, my mood swings are at an all time high. I've got extreme highs and lows going on. And its also affecting the way I communicate with others and treat others. I flipped out on my girlfriend and my best friend within a few days of each other. And when I say flip out, I mean I did so entirely in a disrespectful and destructive manner. And I feel ashamed. And yet I don't know where it came from or why, or how to really prevent it...which is scary. My best friend told me she had never seen me act that way and she was surprised, shocked, etc..but that she understood. She was very understanding and I apologized profusely once I realized just how bad it was. Same goes for my girlfriend.

I truly feel like a 12 year old boy going through puberty. I'm relearning my own body as if it is for the first time. I'm dealing with the mood swings, acne, awkward feelings, inability to communicate effectively, all of it. And it sucks right now. It feels like it just snuck up on me. And as the week ends, I feel a lot worse. My body starts to crave the t, its like I can feel an imbalance and I need my t shot. It's not an addiction, it's more like a crave...like the way I would crave junk food when I got my period...hope that makes sense.

On the days I take my t shot, I feel high as a kite. I feel like a million bucks. But after that first day passes, the awkwardness creeps in, the insecure feelings, I really had no idea I was going to be experiencing all of this in quite this way. And then I'm trying to balance these feelings of puberty in an adult life with adult relationships and a job and its challenging. It's hard to stay in check with everyone else when I can't stay in check with myself. I feel like I'm just supposed to follow the journey and follow the path but sometimes I feel like I get so lost and I don't know where its headed for a little while....and then I somehow re-center and find my way back.

But I feel all of this up and down, lost and found on a weekly basis. And I just HOPE that as my body gets used to having these doses more frequently, I will level out. I need to. I've been so moody and so crabby and I really don't want to be.

Positive changes to note from the increase though...my voice is already dropping more :) One of my co-workers even noticed today so that made me happy. I'm getting more hair on my chest and legs. My facial hair is coming in more and filling in the patches where no hair existed. My muscles are extremely sore and tight, but I can feel them shifting somehow. My arms feel more muscular and so do my calves.

And I pass more for a guy on a daily basis overall. And it feels great. It feels nice to be noticed for who I am. :)

Now I'm still apartment hunting and need to close in on one very soon, like by this weekend. I can't wait to have my own space. I think that will definitely help me be less moody. :)