Great Weekend and RANT

4.27/2009-I had a fantastic weekend this past weekend. I got to see Jordyn and spend some quality time with her and really solidify my relationship with her. I also got to see a lot of my friends from college who were incredibly supportive. They hadn't seen me in 2 years, since I began transitioning, and they all reacted so positively. It was an awesome, awesome, weekend. I never thought I would have support in such numbers. And it really made me reflect on when I first decided I was going to transition and all of the fears I had.

Being trans is something that is obviously not easy to deal with. On one hand, you want to be true to yourself, and deal with the fact you are trans. But on the other hand, you know that in doing so, you are isolating yourself and the way people can relate to you. People in general are not familiar with transgender people, what it is to be trans, how to deal with it, etc. And so, I think a part of me honestly thought that when I decided I was going to transition, I would have to get used to the idea that I would not really be dating a lot, if at all. I also thought that I wouldn't have many friends because they would think it was so weird.



5/1/2009-Ok, so I wrote that last portion a few days ago and was still working on it. But now I have some other stuff on my mind. And it's ironic. I was writing before about what support I had and what a fantastic weekend I had, and now I'm angry and need to rant about the support I don't have.

I'm feeling very emotionally charged and upset. So, here it goes.

When you decide to judge me for being trans, I wish you would take a step back. I wish that you would realize that I am a person first and foremost, with thoughts, feelings, and a life like anyone else. I am funny, outgoing, hardworking, motivated, and a good person. I am giving, caring, a dedicated and loyal friend, an uncle, a brother, a son. These are all a part of who I am, in addition to being trans. Being trans is not the only quality that makes me me. So, when you are going to judge me, judge me on ALL of who I am, not just a part. Take a look at the whole picture, and don't just focus on the part that is different or unfamiliar to you. Challenge yourself to grow, to learn, and then to judge. At least reserve judgment once you are educated. And once you place judgment, try evaluating how your judgment and harsh words affect those around you.


If we all walked around and judged each person we met on just one part of who they are, we wouldn't have any friends. People come as a package, they are comprised of many qualities, features, attributes. And it's the person as a whole that we evaluate. You don't decide you are going to marry someone because they are tall or because they are brunette. You decide who you are going to marry based on several factors, not just one.

I am sick and tired of people judging me solely on the basis of being trans. What I do or don't have between my legs should not be what determines my entire life, who I date, where I work, who my friends are. WHO I AM should be first and foremost. It seems like this principle is such a simple one that most people think they abide by, but, there are still several others who don't.

I do not need to be reminded by others that I am different, that I wasn't born a biological man. I live with myself and I am aware of this fact everyday of my life. But there is nothing I can do about it. I wasn't born into the physical body of a man. I can only make do with what I have and the tools I was given, and live as a man the best way that I know how. I shouldn't have to apologize to anyone for who I am and I shouldn't have to feel ashamed about who I am either.

Sometimes I get so sick of having to deal with everyone's thoughts and feelings on the topic of me being trans. I get frustrated because people make it about them, and it's like, maybe it should be about ME. What about my thoughts and feelings on the issue because afterall, IM THE ONE WHO IS TRANSITIONING. What about all of the internalized issues and feelings I face within myself on this issue? People often forget to stop and think about that. They only focus on the fact that it is hard for them to understand something different and new, not the fact that I'm going through it. And I get run down. I try to carry the torch and be the educator, the strong one. To have the ability to lay out on the table who you are in such a detailed way, to educate people, to defend your life and to explain it and reveal yourself in that way, takes a lot of time and emotional energy. People don't appreciate that enough. They just want answers when they want them.

I'm thankful to have people who read my blog regularly and I do hope that you get something out of it. I hope you are able to learn and that you apply what you learn if and when you have other trans people in your life. I write this blog as a record, as a reminder, as an educational tool, for everyone, regardless of what your sexual orientation or gender is.

Thanks for reading.