Great Weekend and RANT

4.27/2009-I had a fantastic weekend this past weekend. I got to see Jordyn and spend some quality time with her and really solidify my relationship with her. I also got to see a lot of my friends from college who were incredibly supportive. They hadn't seen me in 2 years, since I began transitioning, and they all reacted so positively. It was an awesome, awesome, weekend. I never thought I would have support in such numbers. And it really made me reflect on when I first decided I was going to transition and all of the fears I had.

Being trans is something that is obviously not easy to deal with. On one hand, you want to be true to yourself, and deal with the fact you are trans. But on the other hand, you know that in doing so, you are isolating yourself and the way people can relate to you. People in general are not familiar with transgender people, what it is to be trans, how to deal with it, etc. And so, I think a part of me honestly thought that when I decided I was going to transition, I would have to get used to the idea that I would not really be dating a lot, if at all. I also thought that I wouldn't have many friends because they would think it was so weird.



5/1/2009-Ok, so I wrote that last portion a few days ago and was still working on it. But now I have some other stuff on my mind. And it's ironic. I was writing before about what support I had and what a fantastic weekend I had, and now I'm angry and need to rant about the support I don't have.

I'm feeling very emotionally charged and upset. So, here it goes.

When you decide to judge me for being trans, I wish you would take a step back. I wish that you would realize that I am a person first and foremost, with thoughts, feelings, and a life like anyone else. I am funny, outgoing, hardworking, motivated, and a good person. I am giving, caring, a dedicated and loyal friend, an uncle, a brother, a son. These are all a part of who I am, in addition to being trans. Being trans is not the only quality that makes me me. So, when you are going to judge me, judge me on ALL of who I am, not just a part. Take a look at the whole picture, and don't just focus on the part that is different or unfamiliar to you. Challenge yourself to grow, to learn, and then to judge. At least reserve judgment once you are educated. And once you place judgment, try evaluating how your judgment and harsh words affect those around you.


If we all walked around and judged each person we met on just one part of who they are, we wouldn't have any friends. People come as a package, they are comprised of many qualities, features, attributes. And it's the person as a whole that we evaluate. You don't decide you are going to marry someone because they are tall or because they are brunette. You decide who you are going to marry based on several factors, not just one.

I am sick and tired of people judging me solely on the basis of being trans. What I do or don't have between my legs should not be what determines my entire life, who I date, where I work, who my friends are. WHO I AM should be first and foremost. It seems like this principle is such a simple one that most people think they abide by, but, there are still several others who don't.

I do not need to be reminded by others that I am different, that I wasn't born a biological man. I live with myself and I am aware of this fact everyday of my life. But there is nothing I can do about it. I wasn't born into the physical body of a man. I can only make do with what I have and the tools I was given, and live as a man the best way that I know how. I shouldn't have to apologize to anyone for who I am and I shouldn't have to feel ashamed about who I am either.

Sometimes I get so sick of having to deal with everyone's thoughts and feelings on the topic of me being trans. I get frustrated because people make it about them, and it's like, maybe it should be about ME. What about my thoughts and feelings on the issue because afterall, IM THE ONE WHO IS TRANSITIONING. What about all of the internalized issues and feelings I face within myself on this issue? People often forget to stop and think about that. They only focus on the fact that it is hard for them to understand something different and new, not the fact that I'm going through it. And I get run down. I try to carry the torch and be the educator, the strong one. To have the ability to lay out on the table who you are in such a detailed way, to educate people, to defend your life and to explain it and reveal yourself in that way, takes a lot of time and emotional energy. People don't appreciate that enough. They just want answers when they want them.

I'm thankful to have people who read my blog regularly and I do hope that you get something out of it. I hope you are able to learn and that you apply what you learn if and when you have other trans people in your life. I write this blog as a record, as a reminder, as an educational tool, for everyone, regardless of what your sexual orientation or gender is.

Thanks for reading.

Quick Video Post

Here's a quick video post. I will be updating the written part this week. Enjoy!

HR paper work and updates

I hit my three month mark at my job, which meant it was time to fill out the necessary paperwork for benefits, health insurance, dental insurance, eye insurance, life insurance, etc. This would have been a huge issue for most trans people, I'm sure. I've heard many horror stories surrounding it, how to go about it, what to say. I'm lucky because everyone in my office knows I'm trans and they are very supportive.

So, when it came time to fill out all of the papers, I was able to openly explain to my employer how I needed my papers filled out and I was able to get some of their advice on it as well. I put myself as male for dental, vision, and life insurance, and female for the medical insurance. But I had questions about the life insurance and my boss was able to help me determine which sex to put for that because she knew the way that that stuff got handled. The problem is, my driver's license says that I'm male, but my passport and birth certificate say female. So, if I were to die, (G-d forbid), I had to ask my boss which paperwork the insurance company would be checking, and she said they would only need my driver's license, so we went with male on that one.

The medical one needs to stay as female because I still need access to female related health services and that would definitely not be covered under male insurance stuff.

Overall, it was a painless process and it was an eye opening experience for some of the staff in my office. I feel like they gained a greater awareness of how to deal with trans employees should we have another one join our team.

Other than that, I'm preparing myself for the wedding in Miami the best that I can. Nothing much has changed on that front. My plane ticket is booked and I will be in attendance.

Love life is good, well great actually. Jordyn is the kind of girl I could only have thought existed in dreams. She's an amazing support to me in every way possible, and then there's the love connection on top of that. So, I'm happier than I've ever been in that department.

In other news, I got a facebook message from some girls I went to overnight camp with when I was 12. They seem to have no idea that I've transitioned as the message was addressed to "the girls". They want to have a reunion in Pittsburgh sometime in the near future. I need to respond to that message and let them know that I've transitioned, and also whether or not I'd like to go to this mini reunion. I have mixed feelings about it. I think it would be nice I guess, but I seriously haven't seen or talked to some of them in over 10 years. I'll have to feel it out and see.

Those are the major updates for now.