some kind of fluke

Today I went to go fill my prescription of the testosterone gel/cream at Walgreens. It usually costs me $300 for the one month supply, but today, by some miracle, my insurance covered $260 of it!! So, I think it was some kind of fluke, but I'm not sure. I can't imagine a medical reason that my stingy insurance company would cover testosterone gel for a "female". In any event, I'm just thankful I saved some money. That was nice.

Today at the gym my quads felt like they were in fire. I was on the elliptical, and the spot where I gave myself my last injection, on my right quad, started cramping terribly. I've never felt a muscle cramp like this. It is the kind of cramp I've only experienced in my toes randomly, in the middle of the night. You know the kind, where your toe cramps and your foot cramps so badly, your toe is able to get stuck by itself pointing in some weird direction, and it hurts like a bitch! Well, that is what occurred today in my right qaud and I thought I was going to fall off of the elliptical. After a few stops and restarts though, the cramp finally went away on its own. I love puberty.

I can't believe Thanksgiving is so soon. We are doing it in a weird style this year. Usually, we go to my Aunt Sherri's house, but this year, we aren't. Instead, we are going to my mom's best friend's house. I'm not that excited though because I have a feeling a lot of random people and families will be there as well, and they will be people who haven't heard about me at all, or if they even know who I am, they will not have heard about my transition. I'm fine with coming out on my own and owning who I am, but I wish when it came to my mom's close friends, that she were comfortable enough to talk to them about my transition and to inform them.

So, I'm hesitant to just show up there with my 5 o'clock shadow, but I don't want to have to shave for the occasion either. I want to be able to be me, to come out to people if necessary, but not to make the holiday all about me and my transition at the same time. There's a delicate balance I need to strike, and I'm not sure at all how to go about doing it.

I really felt like most of my coming out days were over since mostly everyone knows. But I forget about the holidays when you see a million people you don't normally see and what not. It's stressing me out because I don't even know who I'm goin to run into at this point.

I'll just have to take each moment and each person as they come I suppose.

Oh, I forgot to mention, I'm having some internet problems at home currently, that are impairing my ability to upload videos. They keep timing out. I hope to have that fixed asap because I have some new videos to post.

One of the videos is a quick interview with two girls, Danielle and Brittany, that I grew up with. We have all known each other since we were 3 or 4. I asked them how they felt about my transition, what they struggle with most, how they feel about it overall, stuff like that. And I can't wait to share the video with everyone.