I'm apartment hunting and not sure where I want to live. I don't even know if I want to stay in LA. I know I want to remain in LA for maybe 6 more months just to finish transitioning in one place with the same doctors and support I've built myself. But my original goal in moving to LA was to pursue a career in the entertainment industry and I'm just not sure if that is what I want anymore. This transition is about so much more than my physical being. All of me is transforming and while I'm grateful for the experience, it is so much to deal with at once.
Currently, I'm re-evaluating everything in my life, how I look at life, what is important to me, where I want to go. While I feel I have a strong grasp on who I am and what I'm about, I have no idea what I want to do. I had thoughts of going to law school or grad school in the past, and those thoughts are starting to come up on me again. I graduated college a year ago and I feel like time stood still. I don't feel like I'm anywhere I thought I'd be, except for the transitioning.
I'm 25 and I have the world at my feet. I really do. And I have no fucking idea what to do with it all. I'm so scared to commit to grad school or law school and pick the wrong profession. I'm scared to close the door on a career in entertainment. I'm so scared but I'm not doing anything about it and nor do I know what to do about it. And part of me doesn't want to do anything about anything until I'm further along in the transition. So basically I have myself running into walls. And I had another dose of testosterone this morning which definitely could be heightening things. It really feels like going through puberty all over again. I haven't been so touchy in 10+ years!! And I'm choosing to do all of this voluntarily...so I guess that tells us all something. I'm really serious about this.
If anyone has any advice on how to confront the issues of life or words of encouragement or suggestions on how to help me find my way, please feel free to share.
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4 comments:
My rule of thumb in my own life is - try to keep it to one major change at a time. Otherwise I get far too overwhelmed with stress.
Whether that's a rule you should take on board though, I don't know. Some people cope best with intense periods of multiple big changes, then long periods of peace. I seem to cope best with continual, linear change.
I'm totally where you are. I've just gone through some serious life changes - divorce, hospitalization, and coming out. And I'm in the healing/peace stage, but I've never felt more trapped. Like a butterfly trying to break free.
The only thing I can suggest it to continue journaling. Write about your dreams - don't be realistic. This is your journal. See what comes out. Maybe that can give you some direction.
Jamie- deciding where to go next, what direction you want to take your life in, what you want to do is really difficult, especially when you're transitioning. I'm trying to figure out the exact same thing right now. For me, no matter what direction I pick, I don't like to close any doors/possibilities when I pick that thing. I think just keep your possibilities open, keeping your mind open to where you may go is a place to start- we may never know where exactly we may end up. Like you said before follow your heart and be true to yourself. Hope this helps.
Peace - Lucas
Well, I'm glad you had such a good weekend. That's always nice.
As for the future, it's hard to say. Maybe you could do some sort of community legal program for a while, to see if you're still really interested in law and want to make a career out of it. Or, you could try something completely new that you've always wanted to do.
Journaling, as others have mentioned, can be quite useful. So too can nature... don't underestimate its powers of calming/relaxation/clarity even if you're not out there for long. *shrug* It helps me, anyway.
But hang in there, man. It's kinda rough now but it'll smooth out in time. You can do it.
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